Despite the rather raunchy title of this post don't be mislead, this is safe for work - that is if you're NOT working for Microsoft or for the porn industry. So to kick this post off on the right note, take a look at this video I found over at the Game Trailers website.
Okay its not much of a video anyways - just a photo montage over a voice recording of some comedian guy. But yeah, half of the things he said is true in the world ruled by warlords, level 68 Mages and night elves. I mean nerds deserve porn of their own liking, am I right?
I once knew a guy who usually got a hard on whenever he played DOA or Everquest. (I only started avoiding him when he asked me to dress like Rikku from Final Fantasy X-2) In another separate case, some of my World Of Warcraft(WOW) friends started talking about adding an 'undress' mod on their copies of WOW so that they could happily undress a female character of any race in the WOW world. Well to me, the sight of naked polygons are bad for a game, but this sort of naked polygons really mean naked as in without clothes. But the thought of eighteen year old guys jerking in their rooms while playing a modded version of WOW is truly WOW. Its sad, I know but I can't help them cause I'm lesbian.
Not too long ago there's a controversy surrounding the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas(GTA: SA). I'm sure most of you are already aware of this mini-game in the game itself where the main character steps into his girlfriend's house and engage her in sexual intercourse. Originally the act itself can't be seen by the player. However, apparently some smart arse dude made a mod that allows for the camera to be moved inside the house. What follows is every pervert's ideal game.
But the act of having sex in a game itself is not so crude, its the low poly count of the character models itself.
There's no beauty of intimacy in it at all, cause all you can see are just two badly textured character models moving as if they're having sex - in clothes. I swear there's more skin in DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball and soft porn itself. This is just bad and ridiculous.
Oh shit, umm if you're under 18, you're not supposed to follow what was defined in the last three paragraphs.
Speaking of DOA, I don't know why but when I was back in the NY, walking down the streets in one of their lady costumes is suicidal - where do you keep your purse? Cleavage? I don't know why but the Japanese seem to have a deep obsession with big boobes that falls between the D to the G cup. I swear if I whenever I play any of their games and went short of weapons, I'd expect to be able to kill my enemies with massive mammary mayhem. I mean just looking at those polygons make me insecure and at the same time thankful that I won't be caught killing someone by smothering dead said person in my cleavage.
See the image above? That is so unrealistic by my standards. I mean, could you possibly do combat with skilled ninjas with little armor apart from the thick layer of silicon between your milk glands and your ribcage? Silicon does not provide much protection you know, unless you're a cyborg with Windows XP pre-installed in your system.
Don't worry men, I will save you.
Now that pornography is just a Google click away, should the porn industry pay homage to their biggest consumer market ever? [ Yes, I am referring to you dateless nerds out there playing a modded version of WOW while downloading the latest trailer from Over18Under21.com and coincidentally jerking off to some naked female Night Elf right now ]
[Kat shudders]
Should the porn industry create a website where nerds like Bill could just log in and find some girl playing WOW or Halo nude? I think the concept is kinda cool.
Not. [Okay, I'll stop with the Borat jokes already]
Its crude, yet cute but its real isn't it I mean kinda real for the porn industry? At least there's the letters N E R and D written on the foreheads of the pornstars rather than just girls wearing glasses feigning the look of nerds. Girls who are nerds and play games can be hot too you know. Jade Raymond made an appearance in the above video and she looks hot - for a person who produced games like Assasin's Creed and once spent 10 hours a day for three months playing Everquest. (I had beaten her records years ago by spending three days straight on Halo 2 then spending about six more months over and over again and on average, 12 hours a day for a week on Everquest then stopped for awhile, then get all geeky and spent a few more months on it when it came out. History repeated itself with Everquest 2, kinda. I almost never left my room.)[you now can roughly guess how old I am]
Oh yeah by the way, I have a crush on Jade Raymond, an eerie crush cause her laughter is identical to mine as pointed out by my mum.
Back on porno nerds.
I think pornography needs a completely new breed of pornstars for this nerd porn business. I suggest l33t speaking, halo playing, Gameboy addict girls who don't really need to look exceptionally hot to arouse the monsters in nerdy boxers. You can imagine a whole scene with a man who looks like Bill Gates fucking this chick in a night elf costume while making the girl sigh and moan in l33t all in the presence of an high-end Alienware gaming rig running Pimps at Sea in a Star Trek setting. That would be so cool.
[insert insane laughter here]
So that's nerd porn for all you nerds. Remember, if you need any help finding a date, try looking for nerds online via MySpace or even faster, this website. For now, good luck and hopefully some big porn industry player gets the chance to read this post and consider your fathomless desire for geeky pornstars - if you had any.
For your enjoyment, the latest episode of L33t Haxxors.
[Kat is a chick who loves games such as Halo, Everquest, WOW and God of War. She is a nerd and will not in any circumstance ever star in a porn show]
Yes I am talking about E3 '07 no thanks to the title of this post.
And tonight/today I will be typing really really fast..
So tonight Microsoft kicked off E3 '07 with their own keynote basically highlighting the things to come and the things Microsoft would do to change the gaming scene. Okay well things start to boil around 8.30 PDT and the whole keynote thing is/was held at Santa Monica High School. Nerds go to school don't we?... Haha...
And haha haha I'm still wiping away the tears from my cheeks... that I will explain later on. Like on the last paragraph of this post.
Oh before the event actually came to life there are a lot of crappy stuff and buzz over the web pertaining a grey XBox 360 console. My lips are sealed for now...
Okay so when the thing started there's like an image of a sorta Halo-like space cloud thing on the large screen and right next to the screen is a band I'm very very familiar with - Corporeal. They were featured on Bungie.net me thinks and their video was circulated all over YouTube. They were playing their rendition of the Halo theme.
This is not from E3 '07 but its them...
While they were playing the tunes, the large screen was busy with screenshots and stuff from Halo 3. It was cute.
So next Peter Moore steps out of this doorway/hallway beside the screen - in a green glow(are those legible words?)- while thanking Corporeal of course. What's a better way to promote a game based on rock stars than to unveil it right after a band played live? Why play the game live of course. The game in question is Rock Band and we get to see Peter Moore and some other old-ish people playing around with instruments I could only imagine a 14 year old could use. It was really scarey but the game itself was fun and kudos featured bands of course. Next up was Viva Pinata: Party Animals - a game best suited for my 12 year old niece.
Then there was Mass Effect and gosh I think it looked so much more better then it did a few months ago - when we last seen anything from the game itself. Oh yeah Mass Effect will be released this November. Then the inevitable happened : Mr moore started bragging over XBox 360's blah blah blahs and all then "ooh we're outselling PS3s and stuff".
Then there's videos and videos mostly in-game demos so I decided to take a toilet break. I came back and nearly fell asleep with all the boring talk of XBox Live blah blah blah, video store blah blah blah and Disney movie titles coming to XBox Live. Hang on, Disney?!! What happened to Steve Jobs, I thought he was Disney's the largest shareholder and sworn mortal enemy to Bill Gates? Hmm.. I smell fishes.
Next are some news about the 360 Elite and Europe as well as a brief show off of the Project Gotham Racing 4. The team gave us a little insight on the new addition to franchise : Bikes, i.e. motorbikes/motorcycles. Oh and there was finally some signs that Halo Wars is still alive as well as Alan Wake.. I was a bit worried.
Moving on is Games for Windows. Hell, I was a bit excited but not surprised when Gears of War showed up on the screen. Ooh but this time round there's the Brumak and the fact that you're gonna have to do battle with it. Next there's Call of Duty 4 and I must say I think I'm starting to fall in love with this game.. The dudes from Infinity Ward gave us a little treat with a little demo of how the game would be played. It looked bril and the player's comrade had sort of a Scottish accent which I find rather cute.
Oh and they have a Beta for it exclusive to XBox Live. Check it out at CharlieOscarDelta.com. Next Peter Moore said somthing about getting Sean Connery as voice talent. Now thats whoa - for a game. Next there's Grand Theft Auto 4, trailer from 360, in game - boasts Mr Moore. So next was Resident Evil 5, noted to be the only game demoed there to not be released this year but still in game, 360. The trailer looks promising and is available for download on Marketplace. Next up is Assassin's Creed with the hottest chick in gaming - not Lara Croft but someone more real but just as mythical - Jade Raymond. Oh and she got the hot star treatment, all the whistling and hooting and oogling eyes. Not surprisingly, the demo for the game itself is, well, more hotter than her and the graphics and gameplay elements are so seductive. I just cannot wait for this game, November just can't come any sooner.
So then Peter Moore was back on stage thanking the team and said something that ended up catching me off guard.
"Now each generation brings with it a few select stories that are groundbreaking and define storytelling. For many, that story was Star Wars. Thirty years later, a new generation is claiming a new story, and a new title ..."
"I'm very pleased to present to you a unique partnership between Bungie Studios, Weta, down in New Zealand, and director Neil Blomkamp. This live-action trailer gives you a chance to see what they've been working on, and a new chance to believe."
On the large screen - something I would have died for - a live action trailer for Halo 3. I thought I died and naturally made a lot of noises - I whimpered, I sighed, I moaned and I gasped for whatever sanity I had left to come back. I don't want to describe the trailer, you'll have to see it yourself to believe.
Mr Moore next showed us a console specially made for Halo 3. It is the Xbox 360 Spartan version. Well okay I don't think they call it that but it does look like a Spartan's Mjolnir armor. Oh and the crown, I meant audience was still 5 minutes ago on the trailer and well in a state of eternal shock. Mr Moore noticed this I think and well made a few comments.
So ends the E3 Microsoft Keynote.
Not really, not if Master Chief is not involved in it.
What happened next was truly whoa.
[Moore:"... not till we let you Finish the Fight."
Kat(me) whimpered.
Kat braced herself.
The large screen lit up.
Kat thought she would die.
Scenes from Halo 3.
A Brute-like voice in the background saying things like why do you fight.. your world will burn until its nothing but glass.
Destruction.
Destruction.
Miranda Keyes with a gun.
Cortana on her knees.
Brute Chopper.
Destruction.
Master Chief and the Arbiter side by side.
Destruction.
Master Chief in a very 'intimate' argument with the Arbiter.
Noises.
More Master Chief.
A pelican moving away from the Ark.
More Master Chief.
End.
Corporeal plays again.
Kat reduced to tears and making a lot of baby noises.]
Update: I've just found the trailers and demos from E3 '07
I know what you might think, I'm not gonna lose out a share of a post on this special day.
ITS BLOODY 7/7/07!!!
Woot!
Okay well technically here in Singapore as well as the rest of the world that doesn't use PDT, its the day after but half of me still thinks its still back there in the land of the free.
Here are some important events that happened and is still happening in 7/7/07.
Live Earth
Its a 24hr concert held in 9 countries across 7 continents promoting - or preaching - the way of conservationists and telling us to well, save the Earth. Well the concert is over anyways but there's a 24hr long telecast (not live) on Singapore's Channel 5 and a live one on msn (at least I'm told so).
Melissa Etheridge made an appearance, I mean, performance on Live Earth which is not much of a surprise actually. Yes, its still the same song - "I Need To Wake Up" and yes, if its not for her being active on Gay rights, people like me wouldn't be here right now. Okay maybe its not so severe, lesbians unite!!..
I hug trees but I have a life.
Bungie Day
Bungie, the ever popular maker of the Halo series is celebrating - or celebrated - 7/7/07 as a day to satisfy their obsession with the number 7. Fanboys and girls - like me actually had this day marked on our calendar thinking it might be some big Halo 3 related news release or something of that magnitude. What we get is a load of downloads.
I won't complain, I love them.
New Seven Wonders of the World
The new Seven Wonders of the World had an unveiling at Lisbon, Portugal on this very 7 day.
And the lucky seven are:
The Great Wall of China - China. [I'm not surprised, well you can see it from space]
Petra - Jordan
Christ the Redeemer - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Machu Picchu - Cuzco, Peru
Chichen Itza - Yucatan, Mexico
Colosseum - Rome, Italy
Taj Mahal - Agra, India
Seeing as unfair for the only surviving monument of the Seven Ancient Wonders of the World, the Pyramids of Giza was given an Honorary Candidate status.
Youtube Meet Out at NYC - 7/7/07
Youtubers had a little meet out I think at Washington Square Park, by the arch at 11am and they went on until 8 or so but had an after party from 9. I have no news of what happened during the meet out but I guess its not that important anyways, unless you're a Youtuber.
Hey hey hey its Tuesday a couple days after Canada Day and well just a day away from - oh well you all know what day it is anyway.
Okay, should I blog everyday for the rest of my life or just continue doing this in the way of 'as and when I like to blog I'll blog'.
Self portrait number 2.
If it looks familiar it probably was because it was 'inspired' by a Swatch Bijoux ad I saw a long time ago. Oh yes I am a fan of their rings, I like...
So yeah the illustration is not really complete but it is a few steps away from the previous one.
Today's mashup is inflatables.
a bit of Bubblegum
and a very big Balloon
I think the bubblegum girl is hot. Haha *wishful thinking* *rolls eyes* *LOL*
Yes its the weekend after the iPhone's release and what better way to start off than to show you what people dare to do to their iPhones. For example, PC World had a ball of their time having the balls to chuck the iPhone in a bag full of keychains and even dropping it at heights, well up to six-feet. Nothing much happened to the screen really - but I'm not that mental to try something like that out. You can check out the video here. If you have the heart that is.
For the more scarier end of the iPhone mutilation market we have a Jesus makeover for the Jesus phone itself - in crystals that is ma'am.
The horror comes worse with the realisation that the iPhone supports words I'd find in an episode of The Osbournes. Apple should really really recommend the iPhone for the speechless few whose tongues wags like sailors of yore... Or Pirates.
Apparently the Jesus of phones is intelligent enough to suggest you words like Fuck and other swears to aid your angsty messaging needs.
Supports
Fuck Fucks Shit Microsoft
Does not support
Fucker Fucked Motherfucker Zune
Now in my opinion children should not use words like Z*ne or M*cr*s*ft so I'd say the iPhone should learn to censor word like those.
Most of you would have already guessed that I have an obsession over photography. So from time to time I shall upload some pictures here for your enjoyment and to prove that I don't have a dull life.
[Click on thumbnail to view image]
Self portrait number 2.
